i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
