A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
