almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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