Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
