I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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