Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I cut my penus on the lid.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
