I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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