i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
