I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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