Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
