I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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