i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
