So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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