I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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