just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
