foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
