angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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