Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
