well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
