If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
