so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
