sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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