Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize