For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
