Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
