Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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