he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
