I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
