$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
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