Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
