..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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