I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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