its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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