In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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