Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
