pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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