If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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