you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
