It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
