He uses pillows to masturbate.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
