i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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