real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
