I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
