she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
