Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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