I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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