Don't you send me to vm
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize