Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
