i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
