i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
