so that wasnt chicken after all
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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