There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
