Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize