The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
