ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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