She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
