Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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