i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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