WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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