Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
