Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
