im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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