I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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