Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
