My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
