if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
