There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
