sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
