is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
