hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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