he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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