Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
