he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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