I feel great
I just peed on a car
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
