Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
