Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
