It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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