My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
