This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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