is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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