I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
