maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
and you fell through a lawn chair
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
