She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize