He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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