GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
